Many times in coaching sessions, I ask: “What would you feel like if you could not fail in this situation?” and the answers come flooding in. Among them: “I wouldn’t be scared. I would be unstoppable. I would be fearless. I would get so much done.”
Fear of failure seems to be a common denominator in our shared human existence, so the question I dove into for my research this week was just that: how can we get past our fear of failure?
1. Try Publicly:
“The secret to winning is learning how to lose” (James Clear). Once we expose ourselves to the riskiest situation and see that we can survive such an event, our fear goes down. Our amygdala realizes that it isn’t a life-or-death situation, and our comfort zone expands in radius.
2. Trust Your Preparation:
“The person who prepares is in a better place to win” (James Clear). Notice I didn’t say, “prepare more.” That’s often how the brain interprets that sentence, with emphasis on the preparation, meaning the brain thinks, “Oh yes, preparation, I need to do more.” Nope.
Let’s take the emphasis off the preparation part, which yes, is important, and put the emphasis on the trust part of this. In other words, you’re most likely already preparing enough. A fear of failure shows that you care. But what does trusting your preparation look and feel like to you?
“Ready to apply these insights to your own journey?”
3. Let Go of Perfectionism
“We think by caring deeply, things will work out” (Laurie Wang). Care and fear are two things I see intertwined again and again. Folks are scared to let go of the fear because then what if that means they will care less? And if they care less, their failure is automatic? But what if it’s not? What if there is a world in which you can care deeply about the quality of the outcome while also accepting yourself as enough?
4. Focus on the Journey
“You’re going ahead no matter what” (Laurie Wang). By anchoring so much to the result, we lose the joy of the journey and let fear run the show. But what if we focus instead on the growth and progress we are achieving so far?
Accepting the journey and analyzing it to date can actually be a way to prove to the brain that you are accomplishing pieces of the journey, that you are safe, and that you’re doing it well. This can decrease the fear of failure by helping you see that you’re already succeeding in parts of it.
5. Recognize the Protective Nature of Fear:
“There are four triggers that create and enhance fear: uncertainty, attention, change, and struggle” (Trevor Ragan). This means that opportunity and bad situations actually have these traits in common. So recognizing that fear is trying to protect you, saying thank you to it, and remembering that opportunity can carry the same traits as fear can help shift your perspective.
6. Recognize that Fear and Excitement are the Same Physical State
“Excitement and fear are the exact same thing in your body, the difference is what your brain calls it” (Mel Robbins). The physiological symptoms just need a more accurate anchoring thought. For instance, rather than being nervous to give a presentation, Mel shares that she is excited to share tools that could change people’s lives. She’s experiencing the same physiological symptoms as nervousness, but she is re-channeling them into excitement.
7. Don’t Cover It Up:
“Positive thinking alone… can make your fears worse” (Mel Robbins). We’re all aware of toxic positivity and the harm it can do, but it also applies to fear and fear of failure. Slapping a positive statement over difficult feelings is not, big surprise, the way to work through fear. Energy cannot be created or destroyed; we cannot squash negativity with positivity. But we can re-channel the energy into something with a more positive direction.
Let me know how these tactics work for you, and as always, let me know when you’re ready to begin your life coaching journey to help you unravel the limiting thought patterns in the way of you maximizing your potential.
